Lessons Taught

Making the decision to move from Texas to western North Carolina was, for the most part, fun and exciting. We got to tap back into the things that mattered most, we got to revisit parts of our hearts that had laid dormant, and we got to move towards the unknown with a renewed passion and purpose. But, that’s not to say it didn’t come with obstacles and difficult moments. There were a great deal of things we needed to consider and we had many things to figure out. For the most part, it was all a welcomed challenge. But there was one part—one difficult part. A part that was so difficult, it was the one thing that would have made me change my mind. The one thing that would have made me stay right where I was.

When we made the decision to move, we knew we were fulfilling a dream in the making. We had longed to simplify our lives in every way possible. We so badly wanted to be in a place where we could play outside all seasons of the year. We dreamed of living in a small community in an old historic home. We wanted to live a life just as we had envisioned. All of these things were on our hearts, and we were excited to see them through. We knew this was not a decision only for us, but one that would impact our children as well. We spent a great deal of time being open and honest with them about what we were doing and why we were doing it. I will admit, it was not always smooth sailing, but we worked through what everyone was feeling and made it the best we possibly could.

We also knew that our oldest son, who was 18 at the time and a recent high school graduate, would not want to move with us. When we unfolded our plan, he was very clear that he wanted to remain in Austin and to continue building his life there. He and a friend had started a very successful business when they were freshman in high school, and he wanted to see that through and to move out on his own. He was ready!

I realized then that I was not.

Now I know parents leave their children at college or through other moves all the time. I know parents inevitably face the day their kids will move out. I know this stage is not easy. But I had no idea it would be so hard.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were just leaving him. I felt like dropping him off at a college far away while everyone else was business-as-usual at home was different than the entire family going far off and leaving just one person behind. It got to the point it was all I could think about. I was so worried he was going to feel like we had abandoned him. Yes, he was old enough and ready to move out, but would he blame us? Yes, he had a choice to come with us or to stay, but were we doing the right thing? How often would we talk to him? How often would we see him? How would he do out on his own?

Not only was I constantly thinking these things, but I was also crying—pretty much all of the time.

It was at this same time we were working furiously to get the house ready to go on the market. For months, I had been painting our kitchen cabinets, and I was down to the wire to get it finished before the realtor’s photographer showed up in a few days to take listing photos.

I’ll never forget, I was out in the garage, slumped over some cabinet doors, paint brush in hand, and I was just crying my eyes out. Tears were streaming down my face as I thought about all of the changes to come and what that would mean for our family.

That’s when our son walked through the garage to head out to work. He told me where he was going and that he loved me, and when he leaned down to kiss my cheek, that’s when he saw I was obviously very upset.

He asked me what was wrong, and I told him all of the things I had been thinking and feeling about our move and about leaving him. In that moment, depending on what he said, I would have considered pulling the plug on the entire thing.

Just then, that beautiful baby boy looked right into my momma, tear-filled eyes.

And he said, “Mom…go.”

He put his giant-sized hand on my shoulder, and he told me, “You and Dad have realized what you want—and you are going after it. You know what you want to do—and you are doing it!”

And then he said something I will never forget. He told me, “You and Dad are living out your dreams, and you are teaching us kids to do the same thing. What better example could you possibly show us?”

I cried and held him as tightly as I could. He kissed my cheek and headed off to work.

The crying didn’t stop there, but my fear and doubts did.

We did move and he did get a place of his own. And since then, he comes to visit us about once a month along with the times we go to visit him. When he comes, we have the freedom to stop everything and to focus on our time together as a family. So much so, the first time he visited, we had really pulled out the red carpet and he kept wondering, who’s coming to visit? Our time was so protected and special, and he eventually realized, it was him! We have grown closer than we ever could have in the hectic day-to-day we were living before even with him right upstairs.

As parents, we know we are constantly teaching our children, in what we say and in what we do.

We hope our kids learn to find their purpose, and then live it. We hope they learn to listen to their hearts. We hope they learn to take risks, to be authentic, and to live life on their terms. We hope they learn what brings them happiness, and then to do more of that thing. We hope they learn to trust themselves. We hope they learn to always follow their dreams, whatever those dreams may be.

We hope more than anything that they learn these things—because we have told them and we have showed them.