Unbinding

For the past couple months, Opal has shared about our newly rediscovered dating journey. In March, on our one-month celebration of our new journey, she shared how this was twofold—what we were doing included both weekly dates and daily journaling with nightly discussions. And she specifically shared how hard it’s been to show true vulnerability with one another.

But, there’s more to this story. There’s a third part to this plan that we haven’t yet shared. Not because it’s some sort of secret or anything like that. Just as Opal has previously stated, it’s hard to show true vulnerability. But we believe this third facet of the journey is worthy of some attention as well.

So, in the spirit of being vulnerable, we want to share this third part.

Today marks 90 days with no alcohol.

You read that right. It’s been three months since, together, we decided to change our relationship by changing our relationship with alcohol. And while we were uncertain initially of what the specifics would look like, we knew we both desperately wanted our relationship with alcohol to change. We didn’t necessarily know exactly what this would look like when we set out on this marriage journey on February 19, but we were ready to move forward.

Since my accident in late December and then my recovery throughout January, I was on several different medications and couldn’t drink. Opal, being my caregiver during that entire time, chose not to drink. And the more we were away from alcohol, the more we thought that, when we did start to enjoy alcohol again casually, we would choose to moderate it in both frequency and amount.

Then, we went to dinner together in mid-February. Just the two of us. The first time we had been away alone besides surgeon appointments and hospital visits since my accident on December 27. We decided beforehand we’d each have a glass of wine at dinner because “we want to change our relationship with alcohol,” right? We did, and it was so good that we decided we’d stop by the store on our way home to get a bottle of nice wine just to have on hand. Then, we opened that bottle at home that night. And while binge watching some unknown show on Netflix, we managed to finish off the entire bottle.

It was three days later that our “marriage journey,” as we’ve dubbed it, commenced. All three parts of it—or at least the three that we’re comfortable sharing now. We knew we were committed to weekly dates, daily journaling with nightly discussion, and a relationship free of alcohol.

In hindsight, I feel like sharing this detail is so easy. Part of me wonders why it’s taken this long to put it out there.

For one, I think it’s difficult to know what to call it. Neither of us were alcoholics, at least not how our society defines the term or the image that comes to mind when we hear it. We’re not even sure that we should use the term sobriety to refer to this journey we’re on either. But then again, what do you call it when you’ve been completely sober for three months? I don’t have the answer to that yet, so we’re choosing to not label anything at this time.

Here’s what we do know. We feel like we were similar to so many others. A society where the consumption of alcohol is so normalized that you feel as if you’re the unpopular kid if you’re not doing it, too.

For us, we drank only at the typical times… You know, weekends to unwind from a busy week. Times of celebration. Weeknights if it had been a particularly rough day. Maybe at times we were sad or stressed. Oh, and there were those times when it was just a beautiful evening, so we’d enjoy it sitting on the front porch watching the sun fall behind the mountains…typically with a drink in hand.

But today, I can say we don’t miss the alcohol one bit!

For us, this has been the most life-changing three months of our entire lives! I am changed. Opal is changed. Our relationship and marriage has changed in more ways than I can describe. Our children and family unit are changed. We are no longer numb to our feelings and are able to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows. We are fully present and, as a result, are able to pour our energy and efforts into every single area of our lives. There are so many details that we could share, and I’m sure that level of vulnerability will come in time.

It’s kind of funny because, before Opal and I ventured on this “marriage journey,” I would’ve said that we were unbinded. As in, something we did in the past and can now say we are.

The truth is, the unbinding we did a few years ago was just the precursor to prepare us to dig deeper and find the next layer below that was in need of unbinding. I feel as if we’ve unbinded more in the past three months than we ever did before.

The truth is, we’re learning that unbinding is not something you do and check off a list. It’s a journey, and, while I feel God has been preparing us for this for quite some tjme, I think it’s only just begun. And let me tell you, we are here for it!!