Date Up

I’m going to share a bit of advice I have been giving for years…date up.

Let me explain.

Years ago, I had someone very close to me who was out there in the dating game.  For years, I watched this amazing, wonderful person date people who….well, just weren’t the right match.  In fact, over time, I found that she was dating people who really weren’t all that compatible and that she was putting up with an awful lot throughout the duration of her relationships.  I was puzzled.  Until finally, she had met someone…a friend.  When I asked about this friendship getting more serious, she quickly told me no, but then proceeded to tell me all the things she liked about this person.  He seemed to be just perfect for her!

Then it hit me! She needed to date up!

I realized, long after the fact, I had indeed dated up when I found my Mr. Right.  At the time I met the guy that would eventually become my husband, I was in need of some serious life changes.  I thought he was just the best person I had ever met, and I knew I would need to kind of clean up my act if I were going to have a chance.  I knew I would need to be the better version of myself if he would ever go out with me.  I wasn’t trying to change me as a person, I just needed to be the best I could be.  I needed to see myself in a better way, and I needed to date up.

I think there is this imaginary place in life, this rung on the ladder if you will, this numerical value per se, that we place on ourselves.  We somehow decide where we fit in, where we are on the social ladder, what our value is in this world.  Whatever that value, that is where we go for friendships, relationships, jobs, etc.  Sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we sell ourselves short.

I really believe this holds true in many aspects of our lives.  I have heard people knock themselves down a notch time after time.  Heck, I still do it too sometimes…it can happen quickly and easily if we aren’t watching for it.

How many times have you heard some of these…

He would never go out with me.

I can’t get that job.

I just don’t think I could do it.

I don’t have what it takes.

I don’t think people would like that.

I think my family wouldn’t get it.

I don’t know anyone who has ever done this.

I must be crazy to think I could do that.

I just think it’s too far.

I wouldn’t even know how to get started.

You know what I hear? 

“I…”

“I…”

“I…”

Let me tell you, that person very close to me, she did date up, she did go after that awesome guy, and turns out, he was her Mr. Right!  As for me, I did become the better version of myself, I did date up, I did find Mr. Right, and we have been working on the even better version of us ever since!

The truth is, we are sometimes the only thing holding us back.  We are sometimes the only person who is standing in our way.  The truth is, we should learn to see ourselves, our potential, our value for what it truly is.  I think he would go out with you, I think you can get that job, and I think you do have what it takes!  Yes, you might be crazy, yes, you might be the first to ever try it, yes, you will have to figure out how to get started.  But I think the best that is out there lies just on the other side of all the things we say we cannot do.

The truth is, we could “date up” in any aspect of our lives and find whomever or whatever it is we are truly seeking!