Outward Signs of the Inward Changes
Don’t you just love asking a little kid what they want to be when they grow up? Kids can say pretty quickly they want to be a firefighter, doctor, astronaut, race car driver, or even all of those things at once! Not too long ago our six-year-old described the life he wants to have when he is a grown up—it entailed something like six dirt bikes, five dogs, living on a ranch, and having lots of kids. I think part of the magic of listening to kids describe their dreams is that, as adults, we don’t do anything to stop them. There’s no talk of education needed, annual salary, or, for the case of our six-year-old, how he will pay for the dirt bikes, the dogs, and the kids.
I remember vividly the dream sharing Brandon and I were doing when we were first dating and engaged. Our “dates” typically started with a run to Dairy Queen for Blizzards, and then we would drive around the historic neighborhoods looking at the houses and describing our future together. Brandon especially loved the old houses. He would often pull the car over—sorry homeowner if you saw us lurking in front of your house—and say everything he loved about the expansive front porch, the stately columns, and the glow of the gas lanterns on either side of the front door. He knew with all his being he wanted to live in an old home on a street lined with other older homes. I knew I wanted lots of kids and to be parents who would play in the yard with our kids. And neither of us stopped the other from dreaming. At that time, we talked little of annual salaries, benefit packages, mortgages, or retirement. We just dreamed.
Well, that sweet little Blizzard-eating couple grew up, and our conversations did turn to those other things. We moved for jobs and bought houses that had neither columns nor a front porch. It’s funny how something can be so important one day and then not make the list of non-negotiables when it is decision-making time. As the years went by, we spent less time driving around and dreaming, and more time with our heads down charging towards our goals. Until one day, we realized goals and dreams are not the same thing.
We finally started talking about our dreams again, and we realized we were far from the mark. We were not in a historic neighborhood, we were in a suburb of a large metropolitan city. We were not in an old home, we were in a builder-grade house built within the current decade. And while this house did happen to have a porch, it could barely fit my porch swing and rocking chairs. Even more importantly than the house where we lived, we were not living the life that young couple had dreamed of living. Never did we say, “Let’s get married and over-extend our schedule, over-commit to work, school, and extracurriculars, and wake up daily ready for the weekend and counting down to our next vacation.” We didn’t say those things, and yet, that is where we found ourselves.
Dreaming again did come with its obstacles. We had to remove all of the “what-ifs” and “you can’ts” that continued to creep into our thoughts and plans. And most importantly, we had to remove the one block that was standing in our way—our student loan debt. Every time we put pen to paper for the life we wanted to live, the bottom line always ended with that huge monthly payment that loomed over us like a dark cloud. We knew that if we were going to pursue our dreams, we had to get rid of anything standing in our way.
We put everything we could into paying down that debt. We knew that the new life in store for us would be a new life where we could live debt-free. We had absolutely no idea how long it would take, we just knew we had to start and not give up until we had it all paid off. Month after month, we made whatever sacrifices we needed to make.
Taking these steps led us to making other very intentional decisions. We sold one of our cars and then started to sell or get rid of anything else we could. Brandon realized we had enough equity in our house that it would be possible to sell the house and use the proceeds to make a final payment on the hefty student loans. I will admit, I thought he was a little crazy.
But you already know the rest of that story. We visited western North Carolina last fall to see the changing leaf colors. It was on that trip that we found a 115-year old house that was for sale—it had an expansive front porch, columns across the front, enough space to later add the gas lanterns on either side of the front door, and the perfect front yard for playing with the kids. We went home, sold our subdivision house, made the final payment on our student loans, and moved.
And now, our dreaming continues. To be honest, the historic home and the move are simply outward signs of the inward changes that have taken place within us. We have learned from our past that we have to make daily decisions so that we don’t over-extend and over-commit, and that we continue to keep first things first. We have learned not to be fearful of the future, but to make it what we want it to be. We have learned to embrace the present, and to soak up all that we can because it doesn’t last long. And we have even brought back Dairy Queen Blizzards. The only difference now while we are driving around is that our car is full of kids and drippy ice cream, and it’s full of their dream-telling, too!
