To Sign Up or To Not Sign Up

Once upon a time, we had three little kids. And for whatever reason, we thought we had to sign them up for all the things and they had to play all the sports.

If they twirled in the living room, I signed them up for dance. If they kicked a ball in the yard, I signed them up for soccer. This all made sense to me because all of our other friends were also in dance and soccer and basketball and volleyball. It there was a season for it, we were in it.

But there was a very difficult reality to all of this signing up for things. My little daughter who twirled in the living room, cried every week while I put on her dance shoes and I told her goodbye. Our little son who loved to throw the ball to us in the yard, picked flowers in the outfield and counted down for the game to end. And that frantic mother who wanted to do everything right, hurried her kids into the car every afternoon and tossed happy meals into the backseat as she tried to get to each activity on time and hoped she had everyone’s uniform, leotard, and gear.

If I had to do it over again, all I would do differently is know that I have a choice: to sign up, or not to sign up.

If I had to do it over again, I would want to know that I have the option to play dance studio with them every Tuesday at 4:00 pm in their room with thrifted formals and watch them dress up and twirl for one hour every week at home and without tears.

If I had to do it over again, I would want to know that I have the option to throw the ball in the yard every Monday and Wednesday at 6:00 pm until dark and could even include the whole family if they wanted to play too.

If I had to do it over again, I would want to know I can play with my kids rather than signing them up to play. No drop offs, no happy meals.

I would want my kids to know they have options, too. They can choose to stay home, they can choose to play. I think of all the things our kids have asked us to do and I wonder now, did they know they had other options? What would we have done with that time? What could we have done together with that money?

Of course, there are no do-overs and I am totally okay with that. I am grateful we now ask ourselves—does this thing bring us closer together or does it cause us to be farther apart? We know now to question the decisions that we make, to make sure they are aligned with what we value most as a family. We know now we never really valued practices, games, lessons, and recitals. We know now, we were just trying desperately to keep up and were trying to “do it right.”

As sign-ups continue to come and go, and we enjoy afternoons playing, and slow Saturday mornings that turn into some family adventure, we are grateful for the lessons learned. We are happy to talk with our kids about where we have all been, where we are now, and how we each want to spend our time. We are grateful for decisions aligned with our values and the peace and calm that has brought into our lives.