Dating Again
Brandon and I have been married for over 22 years—and this past month, we started dating each other—again.
Let me explain.
It was right at one month ago that we both acknowledged we were ready for a change. Now, don’t get me wrong, we have a good marriage, we always have. We are very proud of so many things we have done together and the beautiful life we have made together. But if I am being completely honest, we lacked a closeness and an openness that seemed to slowly slip away quietly over the years.
We both wanted something different. We both longed to be the kids who fell in love so many years ago.
There was this sort of switch that flipped, and we were suddenly able to talk about what we wanted and some of the things we felt were holding us back. We listened, we cried, we held one another, we talked about the old days, and we dreamed of the days to come.
In true Brandon fashion, he took all of this to prayer and then he came up with a plan. Part of the plan was for us to start dating again. He looked me in the eyes and told me he would take me out on a date every week. I kind of thought he was crazy, but just as you’d imagine, he did what he told me he would do. Every week for the past month, we have gone out on a date, just the two of us.
The other part of the plan was for us to have a nightly guided discussion. Each day we answer questions by journaling our responses. Then each night after we tuck in the kids and the teenagers are otherwise occupied, we share and discuss our responses with each other.
It is hard for me to put into words what this time alone together has done for our marriage. No more sitting up watching endless hours of binge-worthy shows, no more glasses of wine to relax us before going to bed. Every night for the past month, we have spent endless hours together sitting up and talking.
To be completely honest, this past month did have its challenges. It’s hard to talk about things we’ve not talked about in years and to talk about things we’ve not talked about ever. It’s hard to show true vulnerability and to talk about some of our deepest hurts, biggest fears, and our greatest hopes.
But the challenge has been worth it because this past month has been one of the most beautiful times of our lives. We have brought back the closeness and the openness that somehow got buried under the years of stress and tension and fear and doubt. We brought back the fun that was sometimes hard to find. And best yet, we brought back those two kids who first fell in love. We know we are those same kids—just 22 years later.
This past weekend, we decided to celebrate. We planned a last-minute trip, just the two of us, for a short stay an hour and a half away from home. We stayed in a historic cabin in the mountains and we caught up on our favorite binge-worthy shows. But most importantly, we took the time to talk about what we learned in the month before and how we want to continue our journey and growth in the month to come.
The truth is, we have learned so much on this journey to unbind our lives. We are learning that unbinding in one area of your life will lead to unbinding in the next area of your life. We are grateful for all that we have learned and experienced so far and we are eager for all that lies ahead!
